If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
