Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
