i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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