I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
