Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
