I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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