Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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