it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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