Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
