I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
