It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
