Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
