so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
