so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I love you.
Bad choice
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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