somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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