I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
