He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
