Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
