Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
