I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
