Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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