i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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