it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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