11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
sarcasm needs its own font
bring money and cleavage
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
