Heybabeimwearingurpanties
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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