it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
