you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
