dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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