Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
