I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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