the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
