are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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