My room smells like vodka and shame
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
