Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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