I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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