The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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