I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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