It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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