dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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