i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
