I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
