So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
