I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
how does that bad decision feel?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
