I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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