the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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