No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
