I could have mohawked her pubes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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