Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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