So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
