You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
