I bet he comes in French.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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