youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
COCAINE IS GR8
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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